I am a planner. I like to be prepared. If I say I am going to do something, I do everything in my power to keep my commitment. Myers-Briggs personality tests label me a strong J (judger) since I like to have matters settled, decided. At the other end of the spectrum from J is P which perceives many different options and likes to keep them all open. Wouldn’t you know I would be be married to someone who is at least as an extreme a P as I am a J!
Each Sunday I make a master list of all the activities for the week and what needs to be accomplished. Last week I was especially looking forward to Friday. Our weekday caregiver would train a new weekend caregiver and my dad would help with transportation so my husband Paul and I could have a day of “carrots.” We would go to the shore and then enjoy catching up with old friends at a picnic. A full day of fun at last! Eager as I was, I recalled recently thwarted recreational attempts, wondered if we might want to stay at the shore longer, and responded “Maybe” to the 5 - 9 pm picnic invitation. Smart move.
What is that saying about God laughing at our plans? Well, the laughter began on Thursday. A sister called to say she’d be arriving later that day from western PA to be ready for an appointment in Trenton she had just scheduled for Friday morning. Then I learned that her husband also was coming. The leftovers just would not stretch. Add to the list: run to the grocery store.
When I returned to my parents’ home with the groceries, our weekday caregiver announced that she had to leave that night to help one of her kids on Friday. Then our niece whom we’d be picking up in Philadelphia on Saturday asked to stay overnight. So much for the shore, but what if I trained the new weekend caregiver and she stayed with Mom Friday afternoon so I could clean our house. Another call. The trainee could only stay two hours on Friday—I’d be with Mom 7 am - 7 pm.
Friday came. Paul drove my sister and her spouse to the Trenton appointment since he knew the neighborhood. I did lots of cooking so we could share a nice meal with them before they left. Then my dad sat with my mom for two hours while Paul and I did some speed cleaning at our house.
Walking home after helping mom to bed, I commented that it sure looked like rain. We made it to our house before the skies opened up. Is the picnic still on? Is it too late to go? If friends came all the way from Milwaukee, rain would not stop the event. We did get our water, just without the sun and sand. We went to the indoor picnic and had a good visit with lots of folks we had not seen for a while.
Friday did not go at all as I had planned, but it turned out okay. I realize that I can’t control anything beyond myself. And far too often, I cannot even control myself or my thinking, speaking, eating or.... But I don’t believe that means I should not plan. I just need to hold open the possibility that maybe things will change. Flexibility has not been the strongest trait in my J personality. But life—especially when caring for others—keeps testing my flexibility. At the rate I’m being tested, you’ll soon be calling me Gumby! Well, maybe.
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