Too many caregiving needs, too little sleep, feeling unappreciated and isolated, too many headaches, not enough time to relax... I was on the brink of burnout but I kept pushing ahead, plodding on empty toward the “carrot”—vacation from stressors at a cabin in the woods. In the midst of buying food and supplies, double checking caregiving arrangements and making all the extra preparations needed to get away, my sister-in-law who’d invited us to share their Arkansas version of Walden Pond called a few days before the flight. The plans were changing.
Due to a medical concern, she had to return home to Dallas. Could we fly there instead of to Little Rock? We might or might not make it to the cabin for a few days. I felt like a tire traveling at high speed that suddenly blew out, completely deflated. (With three such blowouts on the highway in the past nine months, this image was powerfully vivid for me.) The carrot of “sleep, pray, hike, sleep, talk, read, sleep” looked more like a mirage.
Grasping for our vacation, we looked into changing our flight and learned the steep price of spontaneity. This news decelerated the process and gave us time to think. We realized that our daughter’s medical procedure had been rescheduled into the time that we’d be away. Though she previously had assured us that she would be fine, when we told her that our plans had changed and asked if she wanted us to come support her, she eagerly agreed.
As much as I love my daughter, saying “Goodbye, cabin; hello, more caregiving” was tough to swallow. I could not even verbalize a prayer request at church since I was too close to tears. Then I felt God speaking to me, telling me to build regular rest into my everyday caregiving schedule rather than depending upon once-in-a-while vacations.
After church my resolve was tested immediately. Should I make a quick trip to the store? A voice seemed to say, “No. Rest!” We ate leftovers for lunch. Mid-afternoon my niece called from my parents’ house to say that her mother—who’d been giving me a caregiving break for the day—had hurt her ankle. After being with Mom Friday and Saturday, now I was back there and caring for Mom and my sister! The brief rest I had after church helped me better handle this unexpected need. God prepared and equipped me as I listened to him for my schedule.
The bad news: we did not get to the cabin. The good news: we cancelled the car and hotel reservations without penalty and can use our flight dollars to reschedule the trip to the Arkansas. Even better news: we enjoyed being God’s agents of care for our daughter, and on the way home stayed overnight at a wonderful inn and spa in Delaware where my husband surprised me by scheduling a massage. Bliss! The best news: this crisis is making me rethink my lifelong policy of “don’t play until the work is all done.” Now in my daily diet I am trying to include “carrots” like sleeping in, reading for pleasure, taking a walk with my husband, interacting with a friend or even blogging. These carrots are improving my eyesight by helping me see life more positively!
