Thursday, January 27, 2011

Talking Trees


This morning when I looked out at this white bounty bestowed upon our yard, my first response was “What beauty--so lacy and bright white!”  My immediate next response was to notice how my normally upright trees were bowed so low.  Hearing their moans and groans, I ran for a broom to brush burdens from each piece of greenery within my reach.  This was more important to me than shoveling our seventy-five foot drive.   

As I went from tree to tree, some needed only a light touch from the broom to drop their snow.  Others were more stubborn.  I had to shake the branches.  But when the snow finally fell, I could almost hear “thank yous“ as the branches swooped back up to their normal positions.  Unfortunately, even after I removed snow from the evergreen we always decorate with lights at Christmas, its branches have not yet bounced back to their beautiful conical shape.  

And, as Paul and I were shoveling the drive, some snow-burdened branches crashed from tall trees to the ground.  After last night’s snowfall, our back yard looks a bit like a war zone.

This exercise of blogging has gotten me thinking about what I do and why I do it.  Do other people hear trees groan and say thank you?  Am I over-identifying with the trees?  How much of creation is mine to care for?  Am I willing to be shaken to relieve too-heavy burdens?  If only the boundaries on my caregiving responsibilities/opportunities were as easy to recognize as the lines Paul drew in the snow for our shoveling a path in the driveway!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Defining My Journey

In calling this blog My Care Journey, I have in mind the multiple facets of its meaning.

care (kâr)*
noun
  1. A burdened state of mind, as that arising from heavy responsibilities; worry.
  2. Mental suffering; grief.
  3. An object or source of worry, attention, or solicitude: the many cares of a working parent.
  4. Watchful oversight; charge or supervision: left the child in the care of a neighbor.
verb, intransitive
  1. To be concerned or interested: Once inside, we didn't care whether it rained or not.
  2. To provide needed assistance or watchful supervision: cared for the wounded; caring for an aged relative at home.
  3. a. To have a liking or attachment: did care for the movie.
  4. b. To have a wish; be inclined: Would you care for another helping?
I am focused on making sure that my parents have the best quality of life achievable as their physical and mental functions deteriorate, while also trying to pay attention to the needs of my husband, my adult kids, other family members, friends and myself.  Such a range of emotions:  from joy at giving back to those who gave me life... to grief at now having to parent my parents who don’t remember our shared history or always recognize me, from thankfulness for their eighty-some years of life... to stomach-churning indigestion from this seemingly endless overstuffed sandwich of caring!  

I want to be available to help with wedding plans for our son and his fiancee in Boston, to visit with my daughter in Virginia, to reach out to my sister in Oklahoma who is in the midst of life-changing decisions, to go places and do things with my wonderful husband, to meet with friends, to try my hand at painting or swimming lessons....Then there are all the things I should be doing:  cleaning, decluttering and organizing at our house and my parents’ house, preparing taxes and dealing with my endless “to do” list...

As a follower of Jesus Christ, I am thankful that he invites me to cast all my care upon Him, for He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7).  I need the sense of burdens lifted and knowledge that I am loved in my imperfect state.  Praise God!

*  Edited from The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 4th edition Copyright © 2010 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I am in the 29%

Did you know that more than 65 million people in the US—29% of the population—are caregivers?

Nearly one third of the US population is providing care for others!  This is one fact I learned from Care.com’s Webinar on “How to put the ‘Share’ in Family Caregiving.”  They offered “Share” strategies:
  • have family meetings where all can communicate concerns
  • clarify specific needs, tasks and responsibilities
  • create a care team
  • encourage others to help according to abilities
  • keep re-evaluating what makes sense and what can reasonably be done to meet changing needs
  • plan ahead, understanding the wishes of family members
While caregiving has many “to dos,” the webinar ended by reminding me of the positives that result from caring for another.  This time spent together is time when relationships can be strengthened, family history can be imparted and caregiving is modeled to future generations.

I came away with some tangibles to accomplish and a powerful reminder of the power of love!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Moving Ahead


The one tangible thing I did for myself so far in 2011 was sign up for a Zumba class at my Curves.   Last Wednesday was the first class and I felt like a flunkie, with my feet doing their own thing and feeling slightly behind the beat.  But since my mom definitely has dementia and my dad's memory also seems to be slipping, I want to get all parts of my body and brain moving with doing new things!
Yesterday we gave Mom the last dose of a Parkinson's med.  Her doctor has been insisting for a long time that he thinks that is part of her diagnosis.  Previously, I had read the forty-some page document he had given me on the disease and questioned a friend whose husband died from Parkinson's and also knows Mom and her condition.  Independently, we both disagreed with the doctor.  But after several years of his pushing and now he is coming out to the house to see her, I consented to a month trial.  During that time, her tremors remained the same and another problem was exacerbated—constipation.  So hopefully, both of us—in our own ways—will be moving better today.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Begin Now!

One of the best ways I can care for my parents is to also care for myself by taking time to step back and reflect. Often, I have to write my thoughts to know them and, ultimately, to understand them. So...here I go in medias res--jumping into the middle of things without any knowledge of how to create a blog--since there is no neat way to start.

I know that the weather, cancelling caregivers and many other quandaries that I have not even contemplated will rise up to interrupt but I am taking a baby step forward! I got up early to say "Hello" to a new day beginning.
Waiting for sunrise across the road from my house